My Doctor, you know, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz, recommended
that I change lifestyle and get rid of the excess weight. I have gotten a bit
too heavy. OK – make that a lot too heavy which just tends to aggravate the
heck out of my back. The doctor told me:
·
You’re so fat that I bet when you lay on the beach the people feel sorry
for you and try to roll you back into the water. · The last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
· If you get on a scale does a card come out saying one at a time?
· Does your bathtub have stretch marks?
· I bet your belly button makes an echo.
· Are your clothes made by Omar the tent maker?
Two days into this diet, I renamed it the Diet of Nope.
Can I have bread? Nope. How about pasta? Nope. How about potatoes? Nope. Can I
stand in front of a bag of potato chips and drool for a while? Nope. Cereal?
Nope. Dairy? Nope. Nuts? Nope. There is a log book that has suggested guidelines for each
week and you are to write down what you eat and weigh yourself daily. The log
book has a cover sheet where I put white out tape over the “H” in Hope and put
in an “N”. Now it is formally the Diet of Nope! This log goes with you to your
weekly appointments. Let’s see if anyone there has a sense of humor.
The log book accompanied me for the first weekly. They
seem to have a sense of humor. Everyone was having a chuckle over the Diet of
Nope. They are still joking about on my weeklies. They ask silly questions like, “Do you feel hungry?” “Only when I am not eating and about 15 minutes afterward.” I responded. “This is not a starvation diet.” She said with emphasis on the first three words. It is not a true starvation diet but it gets close. I have been on a pure liquid diet for a week a couple times for other problems and this is reminiscent but not quite there. I am not sure how you could actually be losing weight without occasionally being hungry.
The professionals say no alcohol. Spoilsports. Aside from the obvious 70 calories per 1-1/2 ounce of whiskey, what are the detriment effects of alcohol on a weight loss program? Can I fit alcohol, as an occasional item, into a low carb diet? They don’t seems to be forthcoming on any answer except for the standard, “We don’t recommend any alcohol.” Perhaps I will try a different tact at this week’s appointment. “I am going to have 3 or 4 shooters once a week. What should be the diet for that day?” That amount is what it takes for me to get a warm fuzzy feeling. Keep in mind that I am 6’7” and my trim weight would be about 255 pounds. One or two shooters does nothing.
There are foods that I
really, really miss. I will be glad to get the weight loss part done and see
what I do get to eat on a more normal basis. They are probably hiding that menu
so as not to scare you away. All kidding aside, it is an effective diet. Dang,
one hour past supper and I am hungry. Guess I will go have my treat of one cup
of sugar free Jell-O. That will fill you up! Not!
3 comments:
I love your sense of humor! But it has been almost 2 years sense this post....how are you doing now?? I am looking into trying this diet and would love to hear your feedback 2 years later.
New post coming up tonight.
Been a while since this post. I put on 15 pounds over the last holidays and slowly took it back off. I don't think that I will do that this holiday season. I can break the diet once week and still maintain. I am quite used to the diet. I still highly recommend this diet if you really need to take it off and keep it off!
It is difficult at first as you are so used to eating all things that you come to crave. I really do not crave anything and my once a week bust is just a treat.
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