My Doctor, you know, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz, recommended that I change lifestyle and get rid of the excess weight. I have gotten a bit too heavy. OK – make that a lot too heavy which just tends to aggravate the heck out of my back. The doctor told me:· You’re so fat that I bet when you lay on the beach the people feel sorry for you and try to roll you back into the water.
· The last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
· If you get on a scale does a card come out saying one at a time?
· Does your bathtub have stretch marks?
· I bet your belly button makes an echo.
· Are your clothes made by Omar the tent maker?
OK Doc, I will try the diet. The recommendation was to try Dr. Gann’s Diet of Hope. This diet is actually tailored for diabetics. I am not diabetic of even pre-diabetic but I need the weight loss. The initial program is for six weeks and future events depend on the results from that first set. That means that you will be this diet for some time. I have been on it for three weeks now and I would estimate that I will need another ten weeks to get close to a proper weight.
Two days into this diet, I renamed it the Diet of Nope. Can I have bread? Nope. How about pasta? Nope. How about potatoes? Nope. Can I stand in front of a bag of potato chips and drool for a while? Nope. Cereal? Nope. Dairy? Nope. Nuts? Nope. There is a log book that has suggested guidelines for each week and you are to write down what you eat and weigh yourself daily. The log book has a cover sheet where I put white out tape over the “H” in Hope and put in an “N”. Now it is formally the Diet of Nope! This log goes with you to your weekly appointments. Let’s see if anyone there has a sense of humor.The log book accompanied me for the first weekly. They seem to have a sense of humor. Everyone was having a chuckle over the Diet of Nope. They are still joking about on my weeklies.
They ask silly questions like, “Do you feel hungry?” “Only when I am not eating and about 15 minutes afterward.” I responded. “This is not a starvation diet.” She said with emphasis on the first three words. It is not a true starvation diet but it gets close. I have been on a pure liquid diet for a week a couple times for other problems and this is reminiscent but not quite there. I am not sure how you could actually be losing weight without occasionally being hungry.
The professionals say no alcohol. Spoilsports. Aside from the obvious 70 calories per 1-1/2 ounce of whiskey, what are the detriment effects of alcohol on a weight loss program? Can I fit alcohol, as an occasional item, into a low carb diet? They don’t seems to be forthcoming on any answer except for the standard, “We don’t recommend any alcohol.” Perhaps I will try a different tact at this week’s appointment. “I am going to have 3 or 4 shooters once a week. What should be the diet for that day?” That amount is what it takes for me to get a warm fuzzy feeling. Keep in mind that I am 6’7” and my trim weight would be about 255 pounds. One or two shooters does nothing.
There are foods that I really, really miss. I will be glad to get the weight loss part done and see what I do get to eat on a more normal basis. They are probably hiding that menu so as not to scare you away. All kidding aside, it is an effective diet. Dang, one hour past supper and I am hungry. Guess I will go have my treat of one cup of sugar free Jell-O. That will fill you up! Not!