Diet of Hope

My Doctor, you know, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz, recommended that I change lifestyle and get rid of the excess weight. I have gotten a bit too heavy. OK – make that a lot too heavy which just tends to aggravate the heck out of my back. The doctor told me:

·         You’re so fat that I bet when you lay on the beach the people feel sorry for you and try to roll you back into the water.
·         The last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
·         If you get on a scale does a card come out saying one at a time?
·         Does your bathtub have stretch marks?
·         I bet your belly button makes an echo.
·         Are your clothes made by Omar the tent maker?
 
OK Doc, I will try the diet. The recommendation was to try Dr. Gann’s Diet of Hope.  This diet is actually tailored for diabetics. I am not diabetic of even pre-diabetic but I need the weight loss. The initial program is for six weeks and future events depend on the results from that first set. That means that you will be this diet for some time. I have been on it for three weeks now and I would estimate that I will need another ten weeks to get close to a proper weight.

Two days into this diet, I renamed it the Diet of Nope. Can I have bread? Nope. How about pasta? Nope. How about potatoes? Nope. Can I stand in front of a bag of potato chips and drool for a while? Nope. Cereal? Nope. Dairy? Nope. Nuts? Nope. There is a log book that has suggested guidelines for each week and you are to write down what you eat and weigh yourself daily. The log book has a cover sheet where I put white out tape over the “H” in Hope and put in an “N”. Now it is formally the Diet of Nope! This log goes with you to your weekly appointments. Let’s see if anyone there has a sense of humor.

The log book accompanied me for the first weekly. They seem to have a sense of humor. Everyone was having a chuckle over the Diet of Nope. They are still joking about on my weeklies.

They ask silly questions like, “Do you feel hungry?” “Only when I am not eating and about 15 minutes afterward.” I responded. “This is not a starvation diet.” She said with emphasis on the first three words. It is not a true starvation diet but it gets close. I have been on a pure liquid diet for a week a couple times for other problems and this is reminiscent but not quite there. I am not sure how you could actually be losing weight without occasionally being hungry.

The professionals say no alcohol. Spoilsports. Aside from the obvious 70 calories per 1-1/2 ounce of whiskey, what are the detriment effects of alcohol on a weight loss program? Can I fit alcohol, as an occasional item, into a low carb diet? They don’t seems to be forthcoming on any answer except for the standard, “We don’t recommend any alcohol.” Perhaps I will try a different tact at this week’s appointment. “I am going to have 3 or 4 shooters once a week. What should be the diet for that day?” That amount is what it takes for me to get a warm fuzzy feeling. Keep in mind that I am 6’7” and my trim weight would be about 255 pounds. One or two shooters does nothing.

There are foods that I really, really miss. I will be glad to get the weight loss part done and see what I do get to eat on a more normal basis. They are probably hiding that menu so as not to scare you away. All kidding aside, it is an effective diet. Dang, one hour past supper and I am hungry. Guess I will go have my treat of one cup of sugar free Jell-O. That will fill you up! Not!

South Tucson Shootout

Man Armed With Sawed-Off Mosin-Nagant Engages Officer inShootout, Dies.

The Mosin is usually not highly accurate in its original configuration. I wonder how the accuracy is after a cut down. The officer wins at 65ft! Good, he must one of the few that actually practice.

Back Pain is a Pain in the …….Leg?

The last couple of months have been very busy so I have been remiss in my blogging duties. August brought about some lower back pain along with a disturbed nerve. During that time period, I could draw you a very nice map of the sciatic nerve down my leg. There was another nerve but I do not the name of that one. There was no comfortable position except for sitting at the dining room table with elbows on the table. Bed was out as there was no position that worked. The first night had no sleep and I slept for an hour the second night with my head in my hand at the table. THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING, IT IS ALMOST DOVE SEASON! My regular doctor was out so I saw the practitioner. She prescribed some muscle relaxers and anti-inflammatories. I was told to go over to X-Ray right after the appointment. The radiology people wanted me to lay flat. Hahahahahaha. That was not happening as this position would fully light up the sciatic. I commented that it would probably be wiser to try to do this after I had some time with the scripts. Radiology agreed and off I went to return in a couple of days. L2 to L5 damage is moderate or severe depending on which one. Ah, the follies of my youth and the arthritis of age.

The muscle relaxant did not do much as the dosage was weak for my size. If I doubled up on the muscle relaxant then I could actually sleep for a few hours. I found that sitting in the bed all propped was about the best I could do.  It was slowly letting up.

This was really crappy as it was interfering with important things like DOVE HUNTING. Naturally, I still went out. I would hobble a few yards from the vehicle and plop down in a camping chair. I don’t shoot for crap from a chair as I was making sure that I did not twist around. Miss 6 doves, stand up and shoot a couple, sit and miss more, stand up and shoot a couple more……..I did not shoot a limit but had some fun.

I got ready for work as was walking across the floor and everything lit up like a tilting pin ball machine.  Damn, no dove hunting or work today. I took the last two muscle relaxants that afternoon and thought that perhaps I could lay down on my left side as that didn’t seem too bad during x-rays. That wasn’t working either. When attempting to get up, I felt (heard) a grind/pop that also did not feel good. There I was, sitting at the dining room table again. A few hours passed and started to feel better. By evening I could tell that the last pop must have been a re-alignment as I was feeling much better. My leg and back ached at bed time but it was all left over trauma. Don’t get me wrong. This was no miracle cure as I still felt like someone had beat me with a bat from all the swelling and muscle cramps. There was a doctor’s appointment for the next day.

I actually felt almost human the next morning as I had gotten a straight 4 hours of sleep. Off I went to see my regular doctor (dang missed another morning of dove hunting). He reviewed the x-rays with me and checked me out. Now I am off to PT and diet to drop the excess weight.

The following weekend, I drove to San Angelo to see daughter #1 and watch SBDA boat drags. Woo hoo! I love the smell of nito-methane wafting across the water! I was still sore and slightly nervy but the drive was fine as the car seat is comfortable. My wife does question my sanity on certain topics. “Do you really think you should be going dove hunting?” "Probably not but I have my cell phone",  did not seem like a satisfactory answer. “Do you really thing you should be going on an 11 hour drive?” Sure, why not, the seat in car is good. I would get that look that every woman gives a wayward male when she disapproves of your actions. I took doves with me so that we could have dove stew while visiting. Mmmmm. The trip was fun and I am back for my PT and diet.